The Values Shift I Didn’t See Coming (Part 1)

About a year ago, I discovered something about myself.

I like fashion.

And this wasn’t new. It was this sudden realization that I have always liked fashion. I’ve always cared about clothes—unique pieces, how something fits on a body, how color works (or doesn’t work) on a person. I’ve always noticed these things. I’ve always valued them.

And yet…I didn’t know that about myself until last year.

Why so late in life? Honestly, I think it’s because I grew up in high-control religion. In those environments, beliefs matter the most, and everything else—including your values, your preferences, your instincts—has to pass through the filter of those beliefs. There wasn’t room to figure out what matters to you. (And what mattered to you really didn’t matter at all.)

It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve actually been learning how to connect with my own values. The ones that belong to me and not to a system.

Funny enough, I discovered the idea of values through studying two (seemingly) separate things: finance and sexuality. Both the finance world and the sex-positive world talk about decisions through the lens of values. You figure out what matters to you, and then you make choices about:

• where your money goes

• who you engage with sexually

• how you want to exist in your own body and life

And when I started learning that, something clicked. This values-based lens wasn’t just about money or sex—it was about everything.

You figure out what matters to you. Then you make decisions that reflect it.

Which is how, at nearly 40, I finally realized: Oh. I actually like fashion. I always have.

In Part Two, I’ll share the outfits I used to wear inside fundamentalism (some of them are hilarious), how my budget changed once I admitted I loved clothes, and why this values-based approach to life feels like such a relief.

Stay tuned. It gets fun.

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