Reflections On My Novella, Dear Miss Hartford
I wrote a novella I am giving away for free to all email subscribers. Here I wrote some reflections about women and marriage and the ongoing existence and influence of patriarchy. Dear Miss Hartford is not political or agenda-driven. Nor is it a social critique. However, my experience of the world impacted the creation of this lighthearted tale. (The following made up three separate Instagram posts.)
“I am convinced there are two sorts of women: Those who truly love the roles they have been allotted and those who do not, yet pretend they do. Having no other options, we must all make the best of our situation. ”
In the 21st Century, women have a few other options: they can speak up, remove themselves from patriarchal spaces, pursue legal action, and alert the media.
Yet the patriarchy is still at large. The fight for equality and liberation has one great modern enemy: the myth that the patriarchy no longer exists.
However, even in the late 19th century (time period of my novel), when husbands had the authority to declare their wives insane and have them committed to a mental institution, people would try to convince women that their lot in life was the very best it could be. They would even claim it was part of the “divine order.”
Believe this sort of thinking no longer exists? Think again. I’m just a few short years away from spaces that told me the bible supported my subordination and god honored my submission to “his” prescribed role for supporting my husband’s vision.
Think this sort of thinking is not systemic and only exists in outlier communities? Look no further than our current and last president and every case of sexual assault and abuse where justice is nearly impossible to achieve.
Raising a glass to the women and men who sacrifice comfort and have refused to make the best of the situation. Toasting all those who have lived lives wanting (and expecting) more.
“Why must women always be the ones to choose? Why can’t we have our lives and marry too? ”
Think the patriarchy no longer exists? Think women do not have to make this sort of choice every day?
Well, just ask my friend who had a job she loved, who spent years building a career, only to have people try to convince her to leave it behind so she could marry her boyfriend.
Did anyone expect her boyfriend to do the same? Not likely.
To this day, if a family makes sacrifices for a woman’s career, the woman is considered selfish. Yet if a family revolves around a husband’s career, it’s expected and normal.
It was only a few short years ago, when I worked for an abusive organization, I had a friend’s husband make an aside comment that if I just got married and quit working, I wouldn’t have to worry about it.
Not “it’s terrible that abuse exists in your workplace. It shouldn’t be that way.” Not “Let’s find you another job so you can do what you love without the presence of abuse.”
Rather: “Get married so you won’t have to worry about it.”
Gag me with a 10-foot spoon.
“If a woman’s life is better without marriage, then I’d see that as an argument for improving marriage. ”
My choice to remain unmarried has a lot to do with finding little I’d want to emulate in any marriage I am acquainted with. I have not met one person (out of five cities, multiple jobs, multiple churches, higher education, and a plethora of life-experience) who has made me believe my life would improve with marriage.
How, then, can I write romance? Because, as an artist, I craft a world I imagine could exist. For me. For others. I create beauty and possibility in story. It’s a weighty task, to create the unknown, to give people (and myself) a vision for the future.
I know many people who are happy in their marriages. However, I know I would not be happy if I were in their marriage.
So I write. I create. And I dream.
Read a copy of Dear Miss Hartfords for free when you subscribe to my mailing list.