Frog Hunting: A Conversation About Rejection
Just joining in? Start the Frog Hunting series at day one.
I was out with friends one evening. We were being goofy and took lots of photos. One of the girls posted some of the photos on Facebook. I saw her a couple days later and she abruptly asked, “Hey, would you go on a blind date?”
“Er, uhm, huh?” (This was long before my frog hunting days. I’m much more sophisticated now).
“A friend of mine from church saw the photos I posted and he asked if you were single. Can I give him your number?”
“Er. Uhm. Sure?” (But I wasn’t entirely sure).
The next day, I got a Facebook message asking me out…sort of. It was one of those where you know they are interested (because your friend confirmed this) but the way they asked was so completely casual that it makes you wonder if they are asking you out or if they’re looking for a new bowling buddy.
To be absolutely sure, I sent him my phone number. (This was back in the days when asking someone out over text was a no-no. Considered completely rude). Looking back, I made way too big a deal out of him calling me. If I’d been thinking, “This is just a date. This is just for fun.” I wouldn’t have cared so much.
He texted me.
I called him in response.
He responded to me via text (immediately after I’d called him).
I decided not to waste my time and didn’t text back.
A couple days later, he finally called and we agreed to meet at a bar in town. My inexperience led me to choose a night when a lot of my friends were going to be there—just to keep things casual.
That actually made things not casual—but it certainly kept me from being bored.
The next morning, he texted at 7AM to see if I wanted to go out again.
I responded with something like, “Neither of us is looking for another friend and I’m really not interested. So, no.”
Later, I read my response to a couple people—one of them my sister who is known for her biting honesty. All of these people had the same reaction: “Oh, that was kind of harsh, wasn’t it?”
This got me second guessing my rejection, so I texted him that afternoon, apologized, said, “I wasn’t trying to be mean, I was just trying to be clear.”
His response: “What was mean about it?”
This led to a half hour text conversation about rejection, how girls reject in ways that frustrate boys, how girls don’t want to be straightforward because they’re afraid of hurting boys’ feelings, etc. The conversation ended with me on the floor of the kitchen, laughing at the absurdity of having a conversation about the way I rejected someone with the guy I just rejected.
Later, I shared the story with my best friend. She asked, “So, do you wish you’d given him another chance?”
I reconfirmed my decision to not go out again.
That was my decision back then.
Today, I might have at least gone on a second date.