Frog Hunting: The Easiest Way to Get Dates
Just joining in? Start the Frog Hunting series at day one.
The way to get dates is to have no standard. The surest way to not get any dates is to have a standard. If you want dates, you must use a no-filter policy. You must literally kiss frogs. Lots and lots of frogs. If you want dates, and dates is your goal, you must date. You must date to date.
But the minute you add any criteria. The minute you include a filter say, “I won’t date people who like sushi,” suddenly everybody likes sushi. Suddenly your chances are cut in half. It’s almost as if the universe is mocking you for having preferences, If you’re just dating to have fun and grow, why does it matter if they like sushi?
Why does it matter if they like sushi?
It matters because, even if you are dating to date—to have fun and grow through the practice of dating, you really are hoping something turns into forever. So, if you date someone who likes sushi, and that someone turns into the someone, then you’re stuck with a sushi-loving, weirdo for the rest of your life. You’re stuck cringing at the sushi-eater and feeling like a snob for not indulging, or, worst of all you begin to like sushi, too. You become a sushi-loving weirdo and even though things turned out all right in the end, maybe you should have set your preferences to “No sushi” at the beginning, then you wouldn’t be in this mess.
Round two on the dating app, I decided I would only enter conversations with people who I think are cute and/or people who have some kind of interesting story, i.e. they once lost all their teeth while fighting a polar bear in Canada.
While my first approach was to just get dates, the second time around I actually set preferences at the initial contact, the first minute they popped onto my screen.
The first approach landed me with eight dates in two weeks. The second approach landed me with no dates in the first week.
With the second approach, I saved time by weeding people out with a narrower preference.
But I didn’t go on any actual dates.
This proves a dating logic that anyone could tell you: the higher (or more specific) your filter, the fewer odds you have. The lower (or wider) your filter, the more fish you have in the sea.
I suppose we must all then answer the question: why are we dating?
Is it for marriage? Or is it for fun and growth?
Or is it both?
And can both approaches and experiences stimulate growth?
Can both approaches be fun?
I’m not sure, actually.
But both mindsets can certainly lead to plenty of good stories.
(For the record, I actually love sushi).