The Increase of Singleness

I listened to a podcast episode where the host and guest briefly bemoaned the increase of singleness in the US, assuming it indicates a cultural trend of folks who don't believe they need community.

I disagree. While it might indicated increased disconnection due to technology, I believe it reveals a more promising trend...

I believe the growing number of single-person households indicates an expanded perspective on community--one that doesn't see marriage as the best or only way to find intimacy. It also indicates a growing disillusionment with the institution of marriage, an aptly adopted disillusionment considering there are more resources and cultural acceptance for folks who wish to leave abusive or unhappy marriages. We are also more honest about the reality that marriage doesn't solve a person's problems, doesn't guarantee happiness, and certainly doesn't eliminate loneliness.

I believe these are healthy trends. We are moving toward a world that doesn't put pressure on people to be married for social status, indication of maturity/adulthood, or as the only way to experience intimacy. We are moving toward placing more value on friendships and partnerships and celebrating achievements that have nothing to do with marriage or children. Like promotions, book deals, and achievement of long-held dreams.

Occasionally, someone will ask me if I ever get lonely. Sure I do. But rather than this loneliness causing me to desire marriage as a way to assuage it, this loneliness prompts me to text a friend or accept an invitation for drinks, when I'd rather stay home and watch Netflix.

Maybe I choose to sit with the loneliness until it dissipates on its own, giving myself compassion while acknowledging that the feeling of loneliness isn't evil nor an indication that something is wrong with me or my life.

In conclusion, a podcast episode that believes the growing number of single households indicates a breakdown in community is a heteronormative lens and a perspective that has yet to recognize the multifaceted possibilities for finding community and intimacy.