I did not go into the movie Noah expecting it to be accurate. But I did have some expectations. I mean, it has Emma Watson, what could go wrong?
The answer? EVERYTHING.
First, you know things are doomed for colossal failure when the fallen angels are actually Transformers made of rocks with the wisdom and voice of Optimus Prime. I am not kidding. Angels equal Transformers.
The rest of the movie was a dramatic soap opera with a little magic thrown in. You can’t have miracles without twinkle sounds like Tinker Bell sprinkling her fairy dust. Don’t forget the snakeskin filled with Light Brights that was used to initiate membership into Seth Club (picture line of Seth). Hey, at least they got the names right.
The only redeeming element was the main reason I went to see it in the first place. Hermione saves the day, once again, proving to be the smartest wizard of them all. But even she couldn’t arise victorious from the ashes of a screenplay that crashed and burned the moment Russell Crowe opened his mouth.
Come to think of it, the last movie I saw with Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly was also a bust. Winter’s Tale could make my list of Top 100 Worst Movies Ever—right next to Noah.
Come on, Hollywood. You can do better than this. Heck, just about anybody can do better than this.