Wednesday, February 3, 2010

When Desires Blow Away

Last year, I watched a friend fall in love with a man who was more than she ever expected. Often I heard her say things like, “I had no idea such a man existed.” It was so right, so perfect, so God. No one could argue with that.

Then this man, this perfect man, decided he no longer loved her, in fact, he never had.

This story happens so often. Not just in the area of love, but in other things. The idea of shattered dreams and broken hearts are not a foreign concept to any of us. We all know what it’s like to feel jilted.

Then there is me, in my own story, standing opposite something that was perfect. But instead of embracing it, I watch it fall to the ground as dust and watch the remains of a dream blow away in the wind.

Why would God give, if He only meant to take away? Why tease the child you love? If you told this story with just the facts, it would sound like a He was a heartless Zeus playing games with the mortals.

But if you could see what was going on in my heart, it wouldn’t look that way. I see God removing that dream, not forcefully or arrogantly, but slowly, lovingly, with tears in His eyes. The same God who begged the children of Israel to repent so He could restore them and heal them, asks me to let go of a dream that stirred my heart, so He could be everything, so He could give me more of Himself.

It’s what I really want, you know? To have God, to draw so near to Him that He becomes my everything. To love Him so much that I want what He wants.

I know the Lord knows our deepest desires. He knows them, even when we don’t know them or have the courage to formulate them into prayers. He knows the dream that turned to dust would not have fulfilled my deepest longing to know the Father’s heart. But He couldn’t just tell me, I wouldn’t have understood. He had to show me.

And show me He did. In a way that was painful for a time. But then He showed me that joy comes in the morning. And that joy is made full when it comes from the hand of a God who loves.

2 comments:

  1. Katherine, I'm just now finding your blog. This was a wonderful post. Very timely. Thank you for sharing these thoughts, and for ministering to me.

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  2. Dayna! God bless you! I'm think of you a lot...

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