Low and behold, I was having one of those relationship talks with a good guy friend. It was one of those talks where you get all the juicy info about what guys are thinking and you share what girls are thinking and you both just help each other out.
I love having talks like that, especially since my big bro lives far away and my little bro is…well, he’s little. They can’t really help me out much. I need my guy friends’ supreme knowledge.
Anyway, we came up with a list of what is meant by the phrase: “I don’t want to ruin the friendship.” It’s humorous to me, but, at the same time, so true. There are 2 for the girl and only 1 for the guy. We couldn’t come up with any others, so the list is incomplete as of now. But I’d thought I’d share.
#1 Girl: “I could care less about the friendship, I just don’t want people to think I’m a jerk.” (Also, the girl doesn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings by saying, “dude, I just don’t like you.” So “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” is usually the cop-out answer).
#2 Guy: “I want to ruin the friendship with something more, but I don’t want you to stop talking to me, so in hopes that you will one day like me too, I’ll keep things ‘just friends.’” (this is usually used when the guy knows the girl doesn’t like him—whether she’s stated it outright or not—but he still likes her so he’ll keep things casual so she won’t tell him to get lost).
#3 Girl: “I like the attention so please don’t stop. But I have no interest in you whatsoever.” (The girl is aware that the guy likes her—maybe they’ve even had a conversation—and she knows he’s not about to leave her alone and technically she doesn’t want him to. She’ll tell him to cool it by saying, “let’s not ruin our friendship.” He, in turn, wants her to keep talking to him—as stated in the example above—so he abides by her wishes while maintaining hopes that she’ll come to her senses.)
Then, there are those rare people who truly enjoy the friendship for the sake of the friendship and have no selfish motivations for wanting to preserve it. But, in the affaires of love, I’m becoming more convinced that this is all but extinct.
The only solution to this problem—if it is concluded that this is even a problem at all—is to return to the ancient system of arranged marriages. But I’m sure the system of arranged marriages has it’s own share of problems (which is why we no longer abide by this tradition). The problems of our day would only be exchanged for others.
In the affairs of love, there are mysteries beyond our comprehension. The guy-girl dynamic is constantly keeping me, and all of my friends, guessing, speculating, and on the edge of our seats. This is sometimes annoying but oftentimes fun and invigorating. I have to remind myself that I can rest and let the Great Matchmaker God do His thing while simultaneously being thankful that I don’t live in an era where I have to look forward to meeting my husband, for the first time, at the alter on our wedding day.
The games we play are much more welcome than that.